I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
