Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
