I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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