The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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