I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
