well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
