somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
