I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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