Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
