wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
