it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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