with your own penis?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
