can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
