sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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