Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
