Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
