I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
