There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im part way to drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love you. Go after that dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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