Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
