Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
