Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
