I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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