I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
