You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
