I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
