i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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