why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
