im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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