He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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