I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
