just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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