do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
