It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
