I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
