So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
