I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
