i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
