I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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