That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
