And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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