Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's a naked man in my car right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
