he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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