So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
