Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
