I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
