Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
