Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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