My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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