Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
