32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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