actually, I'm a sock model
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
