She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
