Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
