her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
