So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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