Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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