Ambien. No doubt about it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
