The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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