if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
