do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
