I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to make out with him forever
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
