I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
